2023 NAFC First Round Mock Draft
Well, it is about time that I got woken up from my den. My dungeon is a dark and cold place, but there is always light at the end of the tunnel and that light is NAFC Football. With the 2023 NAFC Draft scheduled for this Sunday, August 27th, 2023, I thought I’d put together a list of very accurate mock draft predictions. In all my years of covering the NAFC, my mock drafts have never once been wrong. Just trust me, no need to look back.
1st Overall Pick: Anchorage Commandos | Justin Jefferson, WR
With the first overall pick, I have under good authority that the Commandos have been doing their due diligence in scouting out all players for this pick. However, Anchorage would be brain-dead stupid if they passed on Justin Jefferson. The kid has lightning speed and his hands are like glue. He has the ability to “suck in these balls” like announcers like to say.
2nd Overall Pick: Montana Wombats | Patrick Mahomes, QB
The Wombats, who have been disappointing me over the last two seasons, could go anywhere with this pick, literally. I heard that the team was looking at Actress Betty White for this pick, until they realized she passed away in 2021. With White off the table, I have the Wombats selecting Chiefs Superstar Quarterback, Patrick Mahomes. Is there anything Mahomes can’t do? If Mahomes goes 2nd overall, he will be the highest drafted QB since A-Rod Aaron Rodgers went 1st back in 2012 to Team Cermak.
3rd Overall Pick: El Paso Red Devils | Ja’Marr Chase, WR
El Paso just barley snuck into the postseason last season, edging out my Wombats for the final spot. They should have just given the Wombats the 8th seed, had we known that El Paso was going to do diddly-pooh in the playoffs. Nevertheless, El Paso finds themselves drafting in the Top 3 for the second time in three years. For the third straight year, I have El Paso taking Bengals Ja’Marr Chase. He has a safe floor and is the thunder to Tee Higgins’ lightning.
4th Overall Pick: Seattle Leathernecks | Christian McCaffrey, RB
Seattle tried to buy their championship last season and they came close, playing in one extra playoff game than the lowly Las Vegas Razorbacks. Going out in the first round gave the Leathernecks some draft lottery luck as they are in the top 5 for the first time since 2016. For their pick, I really wanted to have them take RB Isaiah Pacheco, because I know they really wanted him once they dropped him and he was named the starter five minutes later. Pacheco would be a smart pick, but a smarter pick is 49ers RB Christian McCaffrey. Let’s hope his hamstrings hold up this year.
5th Overall Pick: Austin Oilers | Austin Ekeler, RB
The fleece king himself. Owner Ben Tidgern over the last two years has earned the reputation as the fleece king. Whether he is trading away top running back prospects or trading for mediocre tight ends, all draft picks are on the table when dealing with the Oilers. For their pick, I have Austin Ekeler returning to the land of wonder in Austin, Texas. Ekeler has the ability to rush for 1,000 yards and catch for 1,000 too. Let’s just hope the fleece king has learned his lesson.
6th Overall Pick: Des Moines Metro Raiders | Bijan Robinson, RB
Des Moines, I heard it is lovely for about two weeks of the year. Their football team however, hasn’t been lovely since they lost Yuma Bowl XII in 2020. The Raiders will be looking to rebuild in 2023, kickstarting their rebuild, I have them taking Rookie Bijan Robinson. Very few rookies are worthy of a 1st round pick in fantasy, Bijan is one of those very few. His thighs are military-issued and he always has his head on a swivel.
7th Overall Pick: Moscow Black Bears | Cooper Kupp, WR
The Las Vegas Razorbacks were so bad last year that they weren’t welcomed back to the league, per sources (Me). Taking their place, we have the Moscow Black Bears. When I heard the NAFC was expanding to Moscow, I got giddy at the sight of riding bears with Vladimir Putin. I quickly found out, it wasn’t Moscow Russia, but Moscow, Idaho, such a waste of an opportunity. With the 7th pick, I have the Black Bears taking Cooper Kupp. The 2021 NAFC MVP and Offensive Player of the Year will fit right in to the Idaho wilderness, just be careful.
8th Overall Pick: Los Angeles USMC | Tyreek Hill, WR
A truce was brokered last month with Dave Schaal and Tim Longwood won a game of trivia easily. They sang Steven Tyler songs till the cows came back from the market. I’ll be easy on USMC, for now. For this pick, they’ll take Dolphins WR Tyreek Hill. Hill’s cheetah like speed will blend well the next time trivia is needed.
9th Overall Pick: Burlington Boss Hogs | Travis Kelce, TE
The piglets surprised us all last season, making it all the way to the semi-finals. Though not much is known into what a ‘boss hog’ actually is, I am assuming they don’t like bacon. I love bacon with my burger. For Burlington, I have them picking the best in the game; Travis Kelce, Tight End of the Kansas City Chiefs. It’s a strategic advantage grabbing Kelce. He’s the safest first round player.
10th Overall Pick: Albuquerque Roadrunners (via Rebels) | Saquon Barkley, RB
Remember that time when Albuquerque showed up to the draft only to not be signed in when it came time for them to draft? I do. We all do. The Roadrunner’s 2021 Draft Day blunder cost the team a shot at Derrick Henry, the safest pick in the ’21 Draft. In Henry’s place, the team selected Saquon Barkley, who was coming off an ACL tear. The team will say Barkley was their guy all along, but deep down we know they wanted Henry. This year, however, Barkley is their guy, at least in my mock draft. Remember kids, sign-in to your fantasy team’s draft.
11th Overall Pick: Albuquerque Roadrunners | Tony Pollard, RB
Perhaps the 2021 Draft Day blunder allowed the team to begin anew. The 2022 ABQ Roadrunners were a strong and solid force to be reckoned with; that is, until the injury bug bit them and bit them hard. The Roadrunners were sellers at the deadline last year, picking up a plethora of high draft picks in this year’s draft, including 2 1st round picks. Selling at the deadline did them well, they even managed to make the playoffs! Let’s just hope they don’t try and trade for Drew Brees this year. If the Roadrunner’s mess up their first two picks this year, it may be time to sell the team. RB Tony Pollard is a risky pick at 11, but I can’t image them drafting both Barkley and Henry. The callbacks to the 2021 Draft will be endless!
12th Overall Pick: Atlantic City Aces | Derrick Henry, RB
Last but not least we have the Atlantic City Aces, the newest team in the NAFC. Rumor has it, the Aces will have strippers as their cheerleaders this year. The high rollers from Atlantic City will close out the first round of the draft with a safe, but reliable pick. Derrick Henry may be older, but he is still a man amongst boys. If he stays healthy, he should easily be a top five RB.
